January 2011
If you have tried to read my journal in the past three years, post November 2008, you most have wondered if I fell off the face of the earth…. That would be an understandable reaction. Little cues Always Alexis Marie is still kickn’ would be our awesome new website (hope you all are enjoying) and the exhibitions and awards that have been such a great honor.
Truly, what has happened to us since 2008? Simple answer – life. Long answer:
We moved to New Zealand from Canada and traveled the stunning country, photographing its breathtaking landscape. We also met and befriended a lot of really amazing kiwis (the nickname for people from NZ), who we now miss greatly.
The powerfully beautiful Maori culture was opened up to us from my husband’s students at Edgewater College in Auckland. We now eagerly anticipate the next time we have the privilege of hearing the haka and sharing in the kiwi love of rugby and cricket.
And a lot of our time was also spent photographing for a few national NZ magazines, capturing everything from documentary, fashion and portrait imagery. The wedding seasons were also a crazy but fun time as we traversed the North Island photographing couples in love.
While in New Zealand I got pregnant with our first child – we were thrilled! It was at that time we decided to pack up life and head back to our homeland to be close to family. Another ocean crossing move but we survived. Our little baby girl was born shortly after. We resumed Always Alexis Marie adventures back in Edmonton, photographing weddings, portraits, and fine art images.
A few months after our little girl came into the world, I found out I was pregnant again! And again we were thrilled! Life kept going as normal, painting and taking photographs, raising our girl, ball tournaments through the summer months, a group exhibition at the Art Gallery of St. Albert and another show at the Jubilee Auditorium where I received an honor for one of my fine art photographs. We also brought home a few more awards and accolades of excellence from the WPPI and NZIPP (pro-photo associations). All the while my tummy was growing and growing.
Then one seemingly normal day everything changed into a warped reality that we will never fully leave behind. We received the news that our second child, who we had earlier discovered was a boy, was having troubles with his heart. Surrounded by a large tumor, our baby boy’s heart was failing. He was due to be born mid December 2010.
As desperate parents, we asked what we could do? After long days spent in the high risk clinic at the new Lois Hole Women’s hospital at the Royal Alex, we regrettably learnt the answer. Nothing. There was nothing we could do. The doctors told us our child would pass away inside of me and be a stillbirth.
Why us? Why our child? Where is the justice in the world? We were told that the preferred option for our son was termination. That was not an option in our mind. We felt termination was like giving up on our boy.
Thus I continued my pregnancy. We hoped for a miracle, praying for God to intervene. We did not want to take our son's life. We decided the most compassionate option for our boy (we named him Zachary) was to let nature take its course. We continued on for a month and a half – praying and sitting together in the room we had prepared for him.
By mid October our visits to the hospital revealed the worsening of my health and the growing risks for me if we continued on. After medical recommendations we were booked in for an induction the next day.
This was extremely difficult for me as I felt that agreeing to induction was like giving up on my boy and as a mother this was so hard to bear, a choice I did not want to make. We were hoping things would improve or that nature would take its course so that we did not have to choose to end Zachary's life.
As we sat down to rest that evening, the day before my induction, something began to happen. I began to have contractions! We were admitted to the hospital that night. Zachary's failing heart, squeezed and misshapen by the tumor, continued to beat through labor and delivery, ranging from 50 to over 200 beats per minute.
Despite the doctor’s predictions that if I did go into preterm labor Zachary's heart could not sustain him through delivery, he held on and was born alive! Such a blessing! He did not give up! He wanted to meet his parents! This was a miracle for us considering his condition. My husband and I both held him, skin to skin, where he made small movements and then passed away in my arms. He was alive and with us for about half an hour.
Zachary Jonathan Chute was born naturally without induction. He was born at 9:00 am on Thursday, October 14, 2010 and passed away at 9:32 am. He weighed 7 pounds 8 ounces and was 18 inches tall. He had his mother and sister's blue eyes, his father's chin, and golden blond hair.
Though his life was short, he is our much loved son. We are very thankful for how everything happened and feel that God was so graceful in how Zachary came into this world, in God's timing and way, not by the forcing of our hand. In such a terrible story, the best possible conclusions came about.
It will be a long road ahead of us as we continue to raise our daughter and look to the future as we deal with the death of our son. He will always be our baby boy, our second born, and will always hold a special place in our heart.
I share our story in the hopes that the grief of child loss will no longer be a taboo subject that makes people quiet with awkward feelings. I love my boy and want to talk about him and our experience. I am sure there are others out there like me.
I also want to raise awareness of the Walk to Remember foundation.
At the beginning of October 2010 we attended Edmonton's Walk to Remember. This yearly event "honors little lives lost" through such things as miscarriage, stillbirth or babies who pass away early in life. It was an extremely meaningful event which offered such amazing support for grieving families and the opportunity to remember and celebrate their little ones and their family.
At the walk they collected teddy bears that the hospitals give out to parents who have lost their child. It sounded like a nice idea at the time but we experienced such immense appreciation for the gift when it was given to us at Zachary’s passing. My heart was breaking as I was thinking about how I carried my boy Zachary within me for the past 30 weeks and how I would be leaving the hospital with empty arms. A tragedy.
We were given the teddy bear when Zachary died and took pictures with him and his bear, the only toy he would ever own. We held them close and I kissed Zachary's head with the bear's fabric nose. I did not leave the hospital with my son but I have kept the bear near since that time. I held it as I recovered in the hospital and it was in my arms as we left. Such a simple and inexpensive gesture has had a huge effect on my life.
We collected teddy bears at Zachary’s memorial service and contributed more from our little family. Over 100 bears and hundreds of dollars were donated in Zachary’s name. His life was so short but he has left a powerful and meaningful legacy.
Thus our small family has transitioned into 2011 with mixed emotions. Each day is filled with heart ache the grief workers tell us will never go away – but we must press on. We are back into the work that we love which does help. We are continuing to meet more and more amazing people by the day as we photograph round baby-filled bellies, children and the timeless marriage celebration.
As my grief counsellor tells me, this is my “new normal.” I don’t feel the same inside and likely never will. I miss my boy daily, missing him as if he will return to me somehow. I do often stop and ponder it all – and am thankful for so many things and so many people. You know who you are – thank you with everything that is in me.
So, like I said, what have we been up to? Life.
Thank you for reading mine and my family’s story. Now as silly as New Year’s resolutions may be, I do resolve to write again before another three years have passed! But now on to living!
Please check out Walk to remember: http://www.walktoremember.ca/
November 2008
I truly feel that all my creative approaches are art. I do not separate things in a distinct way. I don’t say, ‘Okay, now I am going to paint and create a piece of art and then stop creating art as I have a wedding to photograph.’ No way! One thing flows into another and each different artistic discipline informs the other to the benefit of all my creative approaches. Not only is technical ability an artform in itself, I believe my fashion photography and wedding photography, in particular to be art as well – and thus I will share will you a few pieces of exciting news in these two areas.
Auckland’s Life magazine covers all sorts of subject matter. It is produced by Life church but engages all people from all walks of life. It has articles on music, fashion, food, community life, faith and so on. In the next issue, hitting the stands before Christmas, I will have a 4 page fashion spread! The bridal wear designer whose collection I photographed back in March has been interviewed for the magazine and my images will accompany. I am so excited to share with the world these series of photos I like to call Bridal Fantasy. Photographed and art directed the project and it was a huge undertaking.
I would like to send out a very special Thank-You to all the wonderful people and companies who were involved. Without them this photo extravaganza could not have been what it is today. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!
I would like to recognize the contributions of:
- Ankia van der Berg of Golden Gown for sharing with the world her beautiful designs
www.GoldenGown.co.nz
- Samala Robinson Academy for providing Hair and Make-up
www.sramakeup.com
Specifically: Koreen Morrell, Susie Long, Nicki Collett, Angela Kirkwood, Amanda Savill
www.amandasavill.com
www.susielong.com
www.nickiecollett.com
- Peter Jacobsen of Exclusive Suite Hire for the stylish men’s wear
www.exclusivesuithire.co.nz
- Sawitree Jeromson of Sawaitree Jewelry
www.sawitree.com
- Our fabulous models: Bryce Stickland, Jonathan Bacon, Mark Stickland, Rachel Roper, Erika Bond-Milne, Joanna Lynn, Kyla Hei Hei, Melissa Chandler, and Chanel Hargrave
- Nicola D’Almeida of Old MacDonalds Mobile Farm
www.oldmacdonaldsfarm.co.nz
- Joy and Bruce from Twilight Vineyard
www.twilightvineyards.co.nz
- Kathryn Bradley of Boudica Flowers Ltd. For her unique floral creations
www.boudica.co.nz
- Sandy Neil of All Souls Church
- Mark Chapman of St. Andrews Presbyterian Church
- Sally Lane & Family, Janet Roding & family, Elaine Balemi & family
- Shaun Holmes & Gert van der Berg for their amazing assistance throughout the day
Thank you all so much! Keep an eye of for Life magazine! It is going to be a great issue!
Our Fine Art Approach to Wedding Photography
In the latest issue of the popular travel magazine, Destinations, you will find a very exclusive Romance feature entitled, “Truly, Madly, Deeply.” The feature presents wedding vendors who offer special services for couples planning destination engagements, weddings and honeymoons. There is only one company featured in each of the vendor categories and Always Alexis Marie Wedding Photography was chosen as the only photographer! There is half a page editorial on our Award winning luxury wedding photography called “The Fine Art for a Fine location.” I truly hope that through this article, many brides seeking a creative and artistic approach to their wedding images will find us and love what we have to offer.
Another amazing distinction that I have received is a Silver Award from this years Kodak Gold Awards. Of the MANY people who submitted, one of my wedding images brought home the Silver. The Kodak Gold Awards recognize successful images by Professional Wedding and Portrait Photographers. I have not yet received my images back from the judges, but once I do and find out what image won the award, I will post it for your to see.
There truly are so many opportunities all around us in the world and we need to open our hearts and minds to see them. Sometimes, correction, often it is terrifying putting yourself out there for the world to see and judge – but be true to yourself, believe in who you are and what you do. Believe in the people around you. Sometime the craziest ideas and biggest dreams are the ones that really will come true – it all comes down to how much we want it and how much faith we have.
With growing faith and belief,
Love always,
- Alexis Marie
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September 2008
Life is like a painting. If looked at too quickly, without love and care and consideration it can be easily dismissed without appreciation. To truly see the value of a piece of art or life for that matter, we must slow down, enjoy each passing moment and truly look for beauty.
I created three paintings a few weeks ago. I painted them in a whirlwind of passion, paint flying, sheer intuition with each brush stroke. They have lovely texture and vibrant colours that speak to where I’m at after a darker time I had to work myself out of. I propped them against the wall of my studio to dry. I have not yet displayed these paintings, they still lean in the same spot. For the last few weeks I have half forgotten about them – the business of other projects, work and commitments filling my view. I knew they were there and that I loved them, but I did not really take the time to see them – really see what I had created.
I find myself passing by the spot where they lean a bit more often in the last few days. They always catch my eye as I pass by. I find that I am growing to appreciate them in a special way. One in particular has me captivated. I am going to hang it tonight. I am going to hang it in a spot where I can look at it every day. I painted it for me, it came out from deep within. It is a symbol of what I have left behind and the new joy of life I have embraced.
Art does matter. It affects how we feel – and if we are the ones creating it, art can be a discovery and healing process. I encourage you to slow down, focus on really seeing the things that matter to you in your life and expend a little energy in creating something beautiful – that could be art or poetry or even a kind word or a loving gesture. Art is all around us and often takes on an unconventional form – but it is always there.
Exciting News from the Iris Awards
As art takes all forms, photography is one of my favorite mediums. My Fine Art Photography was recently recognized at the NZIPP Iris Awards in August ’08. Every year the New Zealand Institute of Professional Photography hosts this international competition and this year saw thousands of entries. I have only been a member of the NZIPP for 8 months and as it was my first time entering the Award competition I was quite unsure of how I would do. Yet, the results are in! Of the 10 images I entered, I have won 10 Awards! Ten for ten.
Here is the breakdown: 1 Silver Award in Weddings and 9 Bronze Awards, three in each of the following categories, Weddings, Creative and Landscape. It truly is such a great honor to receive these awards. It is gratifying to be honored in public for all the hard work done behind the scenes.
I recently attended New Zealand Fashion Week, which ended September 21st. Besides having a fabulous time at the runway shows, designer sales, and beauty expo, I was pleasantly surprised to find an art exhibit as well. Right as you enter the Fashion Week grounds you pass through a large room that was full of art. They had conceptual clothing made of unconventional materials. They displayed abstract paintings and art created with a visual fashion influence. The art was very interesting and even the room was artfully decorated. Fabrics draped the walls and a whole host of white umbrellas hung from the ceiling.
As I wrote earlier, art takes so many forms. I love it when different mediums come together. Fashion Week is an awesome example. Music for instance. At Fashion Week they had a little bar where DJ’s played live – that is their art form. Even the importance of music within the runway show is a beautiful blending of mediums.
I find that fashion really inspires me in creating art. I love bold colours, patterns, shape and texture. These things play a large role in my paintings and photographic art as well as my design. I am not the type to draw distinct lines between art forms. For me, one type of expression informs and inspires another and comes to play a role in the final creation. The boundaries are all gray and I love it.
I even had the chance to chat with a few designers at the show. They find inspiration to create their collections just like an artist finds inspiration for creating a painting. Coming from a fine art background, gaining my Bachelor of Fine Arts in painting and photography, I find my creative approach is very akin to fashion designers. Isn’t it wonderful that we are all learning, dreaming and creating in similar ways and yet the outcome is so beautifully diverse?
Thank you for reading! Remember, art is all around you!
Love always,
- Alexis Marie
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March 2008
For the last three months Always Alexis Marie has been expanding its horizon in the country of New Zealand. We have relocated home and office and have already begun to offer artwork, photography and design in the beautiful NZ landscape, as well as continually serving our faithful Canadian clients.
We arrived in Auckland in January, leaving the cold Canadian winter behind for the long warm days of the New Zealand summer. The big city of Auckland has so much in terms of artistic inspiration for my eager eyes. Everything seems close to the ocean and boats and kite surfers speckle the water as people lay on the sand, their children playing in the water nearby. The architecture in New Zealand is also very fascinating. The design of houses, European style, down-town buildings and the influence of the NZ native community, the Maori people, are all uniquely situated side by side. The art of New Zealanders also reflects this diversity as well.
I have begun formulating a few painting and mixed-media series from my many new inspirations here in New Zealand. I will keep you posted once more has developed. Here are a few pictures my husband and I have taken on our few adventures thus far. Stay tuned as there is more to come!
Love always,
- Alexis Marie
